My First House Forking....

Sunday, August 2, 2009

This weekend, I forked a house......ok, I know what you're thinking and shame on you!  Get your mind out of the gutter........I "literally" forked a house!

Remember back in the day.....WAAAYYYY back in the day.....when you got your kicks out of toilet papering your best friend (or enemy)'s house on Saturday night??   Unfortunately, I led a very sheltered life (no comment from those who really knew me WAY back then!!) and I made it through my teenage years without ever TPing anyone's house.  I felt I missed a vital part of my childhood; always regretted not doing that.  We were too busy streaking up and down Arapaho Rd in Richardson when I was a teenager (remember that, Jana??) to have the time to toilet paper someone's house.  

Well, we have a teenager living two doors down from us........uhhh huh.......can you see where this is going??  Yep, for those of you who are my age, I need to bring you up to date with Teenagers-2009.  They don't toilet paper their friends (enemies) houses anymore.  At least in East Texas they don't.  They "fork" their friends' houses.  I can't say I really understand it, and I can't say its actually more fun than toilet papering (since I led a sheltered life), but I had a BLAST forking some poor souls house this weekend!  My teenage neighbor (we'll call her Wanda to protect her identity.......there's a lot of Wanda's in East Texas) insisted we needed to fork someone's house.  She had a young friend visiting for the weekend which just made it all the more fun.  Of course, she REALLY had to twist my arm to do this.........

Here's how it went down.  We got 144 plastic forks (we wanted more, but we ran out of money); not spoons...not knives, but forks.  We got a few other things too, but I'm not going to mention what that was......some might find it.....well....sordof.......uhhh.....possibly offensive, so we won't go there.  Anyway, we then proceeded to dress in black, put black camo on our faces; hop in my black car with the illegally tinted black windows and drive over to this "persons" house in the black of night.  "Wanda" thought we ought to do it at midnight, but I reminded her how old I was and that I planned on being in bed asleep at midnight....so we compromised on 10:00 pm.  

As we pull into the neighborhood and "scope" out the house, we work out the plan.  Since this was my " first forking" (quit laughing!!!), I was relying on my two teenage friends to walk me through this process.   We stopped in front of the house....saw a TV on in the front room....lights on in the back of the house.....Wanda tells me to turn the headlights off on the car.  Here's where Snag #1 happened.   They are on "auto" and I've never turned them off before.  They wouldn't go off.  I turned and turned the knob; the windshield wipers came on; then the interior lights came on.......errrrrrr.....the girls are squeeling & I suck at this stuff!!  I just knew my teenage friends wouldn't take me out with them ever again.  Finally got the lights off, pulled forward to the next house and turned the car off.  They reminded me not to slam the car door when I get out......which I successfully handled; when I hear two car doors slam nearby.  I quickly turn around to see Wanda and her friend slammed their doors.....were they just toying with me?????  I don't know. 

Anyway, with fork boxes in hand; other items I'm not mentioning in my pants pocket and shirt, we head to the front yard.  We didn't want to get too close to the house in case they had a motion sensor light, and we started forking the front yard (prong side down) all over the yard.  The unmentionables were hung from the mailbox and trees and lining the driveway.......WAY FUN!!!

Why forks, you ask??  Well, they say its because when the "fork-ee" goes to remove the fork from the yard the next day, it will usually break off and make it difficult to remove from the ground.  Seems a little odd to me, but hey, this is the same chick who chose to streak up and down a major street as a teenager instead of TPing someone's house.  My point being; some things are never to be understood...

As we ran back to the car, giggling the whole way and feeling invincible, we decided we need to get some pictures of our work as we pass by at 50 mph.  Wanda had camera in hand; flash on; car in gear as we drive past the newly forked house.  FLASH, FLASH, FLASH as we sped past..........TOO MUCH FUN!  

I can now mark "forking" a house off my Bucket List...........