Nobody trips over mountains.
It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble.
Pass all the pebbles in your path
and you will find that you have crossed the
mountain.
Do
you ever just lay on your back in the grass looking up at the clouds
watching as they pass above you….their shadows slowly shading the earth
your laying on? You reflect on your life so far……the experiences that
have molded you into the person you are today….the very person laying on
the grass staring up into heaven.
Moments of whitespace.
Breathing rest into your soul.
For
me, these moments are memories of how I arrived at this juncture in my
life. My everyday life. My everyday life that has included hearing
those agonizing words "You will never have that child you always dreamed of"
and a failed marriage to an alcoholic and eventual death of that
alcoholic……an alcoholic who died alone…..the gruesome details of that
death I will let die with him.
The dark seasons of our lives…….
I
am haunted by that time in my life….questioning whether circumstances
would have been different had I only gently guided his heart to
Jesus….if I had only gently guided MY own heart to Jesus. Questions of
whether he got to know God before he breathed that last breath……all
alone.
There's
nothing special about my story……it's the same as yours. This
infertility and deceased alcoholic was a pebble I stumbled on as I
climbed this mountain….and it is one of those soul conversations I have
with myself as I lay, flat out on the grass looking into the heavens.
And like the hand of a good friend, I feel God's hand resting on mine
as we lay quietly on the grass together……watching the clouds go by…..and
he whispers, "Be-loved….if you falter, I'll just keep whispering it,
close to your ear……this is the way - beloved - walk in it."
"I look up to the mountains - does my help come from there?
My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!
He will not let you stumble, the one who watches over you will not slumber."
Psalms 121:1-2, 3
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