December 18, 2018
Its exactly a week before Christmas Day. The fog is heavy outside. Where there once was a lake, there is now just white. And I'm sitting here alone in a big house...waiting on something "magical" to happen. Something...anything...is better than feeling like you're in the white space at the end of the chapter of a book. One chapter ended....another hasn't yet begun.
But like the naked trees in the winter, I know this white space is temporary....and necessary. The waiting....the growing that is going on internally and not being seen or felt externally. Did you know the trees do their best growing in the winter? They are growing under the dirt...internally....where we can't see the growth....the roots are growing stronger and thicker in preparation for the next chapter...Spring. There's almost always another Spring if you're a tree.
Everyone is giving me a "pass" this Christmas season, being the first Christmas without my husband. It's been 6 weeks...and I see pity in their eyes; I hear it in their voices...and I actually love them for caring enough to have pity. But I'm not to be pitied...I'm simply in that white space at the end of a chapter. I'm the invisible roots of the winter tree. I can't yet see the words to the next chapter, but I know they're there...and I can't see the roots of the tree growing either, but I know it is.
And from this still place I'm sitting right now, I see the world anxiously running around me as I stand still, crazy with shopping and Frosty and Santa and all the "reasons" we Christians shouldn't celebrate Christmas.
Perception is so much clearer when you're standing still.
Some friends and I attended a local Church Christmas Program a few weeks back. The whole town showed up to this amazingly well-organized program...complete with light show, flying angels and yes, even a badly-costumed flying Jesus. But before Jesus and the angels flew through the sanctuary, Frosty danced to the tune of "Frosty the Snowman" on the baptismal ledge. Shortly thereafter, Santa and his sleigh drove past the pulpit.....
There was an awesome 100-person choir (yes, I counted!) and dancing carolers. But I couldn't stop looking at Frosty dancing in the baptismal loft...and about how wrong this felt. For some reason, it reminded me of the money changers in the courtyard of the tabernacle that made Jesus so angry in Matthew 21:12-13. He had no problem with the people selling their goods....it was selling their good at the Temple that he had a problem with. Frosty in the sacred baptismal loft and Santa sleighing past the pulpit was what made me squirm with uneasiness. I remember silently asking God to forgive us for this.
I'm not a prude....goodness, at least I hope not. I enjoy a fun story of Frosty and Santa and, unfortunately, it's a big part of Christmas. But truth be told, it has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. At least if you're a Christian it doesn't. And certainly not in the Lord's house.
The only things that matter this time of year.....is remembering the birth of our Salvation. I love remembering Mary giving birth....and jumping into her head and wondering what she was thinking...how she felt...what it must have been like to know Your child is going to change everything.
Loving others. And "others" are the people who make you crazy....the waitress who treats you rudely.....the annoying screaming child at Wal-Mart....and yes, even his mother who is ignoring him.
Remembering everyone....EVERYONE....is going through something. Look around...life sucks for most everyone in some way or another. I'm not the only one...nor are you....going through difficult times.
Grace....pass-it-on.
Its exactly a week before Christmas Day. The fog is heavy outside. Where there once was a lake, there is now just white. And I'm sitting here alone in a big house...waiting on something "magical" to happen. Something...anything...is better than feeling like you're in the white space at the end of the chapter of a book. One chapter ended....another hasn't yet begun.
But like the naked trees in the winter, I know this white space is temporary....and necessary. The waiting....the growing that is going on internally and not being seen or felt externally. Did you know the trees do their best growing in the winter? They are growing under the dirt...internally....where we can't see the growth....the roots are growing stronger and thicker in preparation for the next chapter...Spring. There's almost always another Spring if you're a tree.
Everyone is giving me a "pass" this Christmas season, being the first Christmas without my husband. It's been 6 weeks...and I see pity in their eyes; I hear it in their voices...and I actually love them for caring enough to have pity. But I'm not to be pitied...I'm simply in that white space at the end of a chapter. I'm the invisible roots of the winter tree. I can't yet see the words to the next chapter, but I know they're there...and I can't see the roots of the tree growing either, but I know it is.
And from this still place I'm sitting right now, I see the world anxiously running around me as I stand still, crazy with shopping and Frosty and Santa and all the "reasons" we Christians shouldn't celebrate Christmas.
Perception is so much clearer when you're standing still.
Some friends and I attended a local Church Christmas Program a few weeks back. The whole town showed up to this amazingly well-organized program...complete with light show, flying angels and yes, even a badly-costumed flying Jesus. But before Jesus and the angels flew through the sanctuary, Frosty danced to the tune of "Frosty the Snowman" on the baptismal ledge. Shortly thereafter, Santa and his sleigh drove past the pulpit.....
There was an awesome 100-person choir (yes, I counted!) and dancing carolers. But I couldn't stop looking at Frosty dancing in the baptismal loft...and about how wrong this felt. For some reason, it reminded me of the money changers in the courtyard of the tabernacle that made Jesus so angry in Matthew 21:12-13. He had no problem with the people selling their goods....it was selling their good at the Temple that he had a problem with. Frosty in the sacred baptismal loft and Santa sleighing past the pulpit was what made me squirm with uneasiness. I remember silently asking God to forgive us for this.
I'm not a prude....goodness, at least I hope not. I enjoy a fun story of Frosty and Santa and, unfortunately, it's a big part of Christmas. But truth be told, it has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. At least if you're a Christian it doesn't. And certainly not in the Lord's house.
The only things that matter this time of year.....is remembering the birth of our Salvation. I love remembering Mary giving birth....and jumping into her head and wondering what she was thinking...how she felt...what it must have been like to know Your child is going to change everything.
Loving others. And "others" are the people who make you crazy....the waitress who treats you rudely.....the annoying screaming child at Wal-Mart....and yes, even his mother who is ignoring him.
Remembering everyone....EVERYONE....is going through something. Look around...life sucks for most everyone in some way or another. I'm not the only one...nor are you....going through difficult times.
Grace....pass-it-on.
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