Never Get In A Canoe With An MS Patient

NEVER GET IN A CANOE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS MS

Here’s the deal:  If your MS “loved one” suggests a nice, slow, romantic canoe ride, take their hand in yours, gaze into their loving eyes and softly reply, “NOT ON YOUR LIFE!”

We live in a nice, quiet lakeside community and have the most wonderful neighbors.  It was decided over dinner one weekend to have a canoe/kayak race between us and two other couples.  I’ve got to tell ya, while they were discussing the race, I was starting to worry....some might say, even panic.   Although we were the youngest of the three couples, we were the only ones with a canoe and I was the only one with an MS “loved one”.  

Because Charlie is 6’2” and has legs like stilts, not to mention no feeling in his legs and feet,, it took a little work to get him in the canoe without it tipping over.  As we lined the canoe and two kayaks up at the starting point, I remember Charlie telling me to just follow his lead.  He said to listen to him and we’d win this thing hands-down; we could take these older couples!!!  Before I knew it, instead of following the shore like the other two contestants, we were heading out into the middle of the lake with little to no control of this darn canoe.  Chuck’s yelling “LEFT” then “RIGHT” then “STOP ROWING” then “ROW ROW ROW”....it was a total disaster and I believe we arrived at the Finish Line about 10 minutes after the last kayak arrived.  Oh ya, we showed those older couples alright!!   All I wanted to do was get the heck out of that canoe cause I was starting to lose faith in my ol’ boy Charlie, not to mention getting nascious from the constant rocking motion.

But no; they all wanted to continue this journey down a nearby creek..........so off we went down this canopy, tree lined, snake pit of a creek.  I could just imagine the “water rats” living in this creek and possibly even an alligator.  I SOOOOOOO didn’t want to go there...... So I begged Charlie to not tip the canoe over; pleaded with him to stay still; told him how bad it would be if we fell out.......he laughed.  

And then it happened.   All I remember about that moment is the canoe rocking; me yelling; Chuck moving his lifeless legs around and laughing; me screaming.  I then felt myself falling into the water and my feet unable to touch the bottom......the water was cold.....I shoot out of like a bullet desperately trying to find solid ground to land on....all the while, imagining the snakes, water rats and other critters that must be living in this swampy creek.  I finally find solid ground to sturdy myself on and notice that all I see of Charlie is his cowboy hat lying on the surface of the creek.   Turns out, he had already made his way over to the two neighbor kayaks and they were all having a good laugh on my account.  

It was a very quiet trip out of the creek and back home.  I remember begging a neighbor to switch places with me so I wouldn’t have to ride back in the canoe with Charlie, but I had no takers.   And to this day, five years later, I stand firm on my committment to never find myself in a canoe with my Charlie ever again.