Let's See How I Did On Last Year's Resolutions......

Friday, December 31, 2010

"Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve.  

Middle age is when you're forced to."

Well my Bloggerites, it's that time of year again.  Time to be making New Year's resolutions and looking to the future, however, I thought it might be more entertaining to look at my last year's resolutions and see how well I did.......Ready?  Here we go......


1)  I am not going to dread meeting with the CPA.  SUCCESS

Yep, thats right......for the first time in many years.....well.....for the first time EVER, Mr. Stein did not scare the bageebees out of me each time he called or emailed me.  My blood pressure remained under 160/120 each time I heard from him.  Thanks for not scaring me, Chuck!!!

2)  I Will Stop Driving My Car With My Knees.  FAILURE

There are times when it is simply necessary to drive the car with your knees....you know, like when you need to eat or hook up your iPod or smack Chuck for saying you have a "bald spot".....

3)  I Will Think of a Password Other than "Password".  SUCCESS

My new password is I DONT KNOW.  No one will ever think of that....

4)  I Will Stop Taking My Shoe Off and Beating the Printer When It Doesn't Work Right.  SUCCESS

I have joined a Blogger-Anonymous group called "Shoe-Beating Stuff That Doesn't Work".  Also, my father was kind enough to replace the last printer I beat with my shoe the year before.  Unfortunately, this resolution did not apply to overhead projectors........

5)  I Will Replace Murphy's Senator McCain Doll With A Barack Obama Doll.  FAILURE.

I couldn't locate an Obama doll that Murphy was interested in, so he got a pink monkey called Myrtle instead.

6)  I Resolve To Stop Hiding Around the Corner and Going "BOO" When Chuck Comes Out of the Bathroom....SUCCESS...sordof

Does it count that I've really cut down on how many times I do this to him??

7)  I Will Stop Using the Jake Brakes on the Motorhome Just To Scare the People in Front of Me.  FAILURE

This is simply too much fun to do......

8)  Speaking of Brakes, I Resolve to Stop Slamming On The Brakes When Chuck Falls Asleep on the Back of the Motorcycle.  SUCCESS

I have installed a seat belt instead.

9)  I Resolve Not To Use My Taser on a Loved One...Unless They Tick Me Off.....SUCCESS

This is only a success cause I used my taser too much and it broke.

10)  I Will Find Chuck A New Hearing Aid This Year.  FAILURE

I've just learned to yell louder, speak lower and automatically repeat everything I say....repeat everything I say.

I think I did pretty good!!!

"May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!"

It Was "Couples-Skin-Cancer-Mose-Surgery" Day.....

Thursday, December 30, 2010

AGHHHHHHHHHHHH..........I have SUCH a headache......and no, his name is not Chuck...

Today was "Couples-Skin-Cancer-Mose-Surgery" day for Chuck and I.  Chuck had surgery on a spot above his lip and Liz had surgery on a place on her forehead....AGAIN.  I am SO regretting all those years of sun worshipping.....I would kick myself but it would probably create a new skin cancer spot.

We were up at 4:00 am; left home at 5:00 am; had surgery at 7:30 am; starting swelling around 8:00 am; Chuck was snoring by 9:00 am; and headed home at 11:30 am with a GARGANTUAN fat lip on Chuck and a forehead that looked like a golf ball hit it on me.  We were a hair-raising, scary looking pair.  I suggested to Chuck that he not make eye contact with small children for fear of scaring them.

And we felt we needed to leave an extra big tip for our Cracker Barrel waitress on the way home for having to wait on us.....she looked downright horrified when she approached our table and saw us.    See??!!!!

And now.......if only I could get rid of this honking huge headache......

It's Been a P.M.S. Blue Funk Christmas.......

Home Sweet Home - December 27, 2010

I have been in a blue funk lately.......I'm pretty sure it was lack-of-estrogen enduced......not sure though....

I practically killed Chuck on Saturday......B-A-D mood doesn't even begin to describe the evil, weepy person I was...and on Christmas Day at that!  Now, I want you all to know how much courage it took for me to tell you this......I'd much rather tell you about things Chuck does wrong......

But I'm better now cause Chuck "ever-so-gently" encouraged me to cut my estrogen pill in half.......seems to be working.....fingers crossed......ahhhhh

But enough about me......I'd like to show you what I stumbled on the other day while driving from Paris (Texas, of course!) to Dallas......on a sleepy country road, I topped a hill and this is what I saw.  After slamming on the brakes and swerving off the road while grabbing the camera, I captured this amazing photo.

It actually didn't have the ravishing sunset behind it when I ran up on it......I've been playing with my brand smackin' new Photoshop software and created the sunset......but how cool is this house??

And my reason for being in Paris?  To see my old friend, Mr. Bill.......one of my ex-Meals on Wheels clients who moved to Paris this year to be closer to family.....Isn't he adorable???!!

Horn-Honking-Fist-In-The-Air Anger Issues

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Hi.....my name is Liz......and I am WAS an irrate driver.

Yes, its true.  Years ago when we lived in Dallas and I made the 30 mile drive to work each day in heavy traffic, I started witnessing a side of Liz I never knew existed.  A scary scary side.  I "looked" for opportunities to use my horn; my fist in the air; mouthing what an "idiot" the driver in front of me was..... In hindsite, I'm thinking it was a psychological need to be "heard" and the fist and "air mouthing" was most likely aimed at my then-boss, Peter.

Until one day.

I was doing the usual stuff above when a guy in the next car showed me his gun......wellllll folks, I've got to tell ya.......I changed my ways that day......

Instead of honking, yelling and fist shaking, I learned that whenever a landscape truck full of workers pulling a trailer of lawnmowers cut me off on the freeway, it worked much better to pull up next to them, roll my window down and point FRANTICALLY at their trailer all the while mouthing the words, "FIRE"!!!  As they waved "thanks" to me, I would then zoom on ahead, watching in my rearview mirror as they aimlessly manuevered off the freeway to put out the imaginary "fire".......sometimes it was a good 20 miles before I stopped laughing........

This technique has worked hundreds of times and hasn't failed me yet......works every time.

I tell you this story cause I ticked off a guy the other day on my way into town.  I was late to a meeting and I must have come up too quickly behind him which must have scared him.....I backed off and stayed behind him the entire way into town cause he was throwing his fist in the air and "air mouthing" words I'm guessing much worse than "idiot"........At one point he pulled the vehicle over, rolled down his window, ready for a confrontation........But here's where it gets interesting.....as I passed him, we made eye contact long enough to know that........we knew each other.

This guy is normally a real sweetheart.....never in a million years could I ever have imagined him this angry.....which, unfortunately, reminded me a lot of my previous-self which then reminded me of how far I've come with my horn-honking-fist-in-the-air anger issues.

Maybe I should share my anger management technique with him.......

Walter The Farting Dog......

Thursday, December 16, 2010

We have a neighbor down the road named Troy.........I just adore this guy.......

A number of years ago, and for a reason I no longer remember, he started calling me Veronica and I started calling him Walter.   Now Walter absolutely "detests" the word "FART" and cringes at the very sound of it.  Veronica thinks its funny......

Therefore, when I received this book, "Walter the Farting Dog" in the mail the other day from a "mystery sender", I immediately thought it must have been sent by his wife Becky.  The envelope simply said "Guess Who?!" in the sender line.  Hummmmm.........

But Becky swears its not from her.......so I'm back to square one as to who sent this fantastically wonderful book.......I love it!  My mind has been swirling as to who might have sent it.......I have a few ideas, but still not sure......but I have a feeling whoever sent it was referring to my Blog about Murphy having a "butt bark" in the car a few weeks ago....check it out at:


http://murphys-mom.blogspot.com/2010/11/ewwwwwwho-let-toot-out-shoot.html 

So, if you are the awesome person who sent this wickedly wonderful book, here's a great big THANK YOU!!!


(Just wait till you see what I got Walter for Christmas this year........heeeeee)

Cantina vs Cantata.....

Sunday, December 12, 2010


Ahhhh.......shall we go to the "Cantata" or the "Cantina" tonight...???

Yep, that's what my sweet, lovable, kooky, dufus of a husband asked me on our way home from church today.  Actually, his exact words were, "How long will the Cantina last tonight?".......

After wiping the tears from my eyes from laughing and seeing that he was completely serious, I reminded him we were going to a Christmas program at the church and not the bar tonight....

He just gave me that same old dufus look that I love so much.......

QUIT WHINING: My Cooking Hasn't Killed Anyone Yet

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Have you noticed that around this time of year, people have this infatuation with "food" in the form of "cooking" or "baking" with these things called "recipes" attached?  People who know me even a little bit know I can't cook or bake my way out of a paper bag.........it's not my "blessing".....

Anyway, what I'm getting at is I have been asked to bring food other than chips to Christmas get-togethers this year.  GROOVY!!  So, because those of you who have bestowed this trust in me are actually bestowing trust in me, I promise to do (or not do) the following:

1)  Seeing as I don't like pecans, the pecan pie will have no pecans on it.

2)  I promise not to use chili powder in the pumpkin pie this year unlike a few years ago when I mistakenly picked up the chili powder when going for the pumpkin spice.  And if a mistake such as this does inadvertently happen, I promise not to use the cordless vac to get it out.........again.

3)  I promise to check the expiration date of the eggs prior to boiling them for deviled eggs.

Yep, that about covers it.........

I Betrayed My Beloved Goodwill.....

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Although most of you know what a huge FAN of Goodwill I am, I betrayed my beloved Goodwill this week and rang the bell for the Salvation Army in front of our local Brookshires grocery store on Monday.

Crazy as it sounds, I have always wanted to do this........preferably with milder temperatures, mind you.....it was a seriously low 37 degrees my two hours out there.......but WOW....what fun I had!  I danced around a bit out there to keep the blood from freezing which, I believe, helped me collect MORE money ($$$) cause everyone felt sorry for me being such a bad dancer........

What will I change next time I ring the bell for the Salvation Army??  First, I will wear thicker socks and gloves.....and secondly, I will make a point to set my bell and kettle up on the correct side of Brookshires.......it was brought to my attention that I was ringing on the Baptist side........