Did You Know I Have A Roll???

Monday, May 31, 2010

Hope you all had a safe and enjoyable Memorial Day Weekend on the lake with friends and family like we did!  Well, that is until this afternoon.......

Ok, so which of the following phrases do you think MEN should include in their "Things I Should Never Say To My Wife"  list?

a)  Honey, you are smokin' hot!
b)  How do you stay so slim and trim?
c)  You have the BEST personality of anyone I've ever met!
d)  Hey, you have a roll on your stomach.

Yep, you guessed it.........As we were in the drive-thru lane at McDonald's this afternoon, what do I hear but "Hey, you have a roll on your stomach" by none other than Chuck.  No one ever accused this man of winning any awards on tact and ya, I may have a little roll on this almost-50 year old stomach of mine, but hey, IT'S ALMOST 50 for goodness sake!  Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr........As I'm pulling up to the drive thru window, I'm saying to him, "You didn't just say what I thought you said, did you?" (This was actually my way of giving him an opportunity to retract the statement), but does he catch on??  Nope.....he repeats it!  UGH....I think it was about this time it actually dawned on him that his future was at risk and thus, started back peddling.......Now at the drive-thru window, the little clerk asked how we were today and I promptly told her what he had just said and, well, as you can see by her expression.......she knew life wasn't going to be kind to this man for awhile.....

This whole fast food restaurant and clueless statement by Chuck incident was all to familiar as it reminded me of a statement he made at the Dairy Queen last year that many of you may remember from my Blog (see http://murphys-mom.blogspot.com/2009/09/he-said-i-needed.html ) indicating I needed Rogaine.  As I'm typing this, my head is shaking in unbelief and my eyes are rolling back in my head......

Anyway, since we had little Murphy with us, we ate our kids meal (afterall, I have a roll and have to watch my figure....) in the car.  Poor little Murphy sat between us on the armrest first looking at me, then Chuck, then back at me, then Chuck........

Oh, did I mention we got a "prize" in the Kids Meal?  Appropriately enough, it was a little rubber figurine of 3 little PIGS.......

Storm Clouds....White Powdered Donuts....& Chocolate Milk

Monday, May 24, 2010

Isn't this an incredible picture??  This was last Thursday just as a huge storm was moving into our area......

The sky turned black, thunder rolled in the background, tornado sirens were blaring in the distance................and Chuck realized he was out of white powdered donuts and chocolate milk!  As you can see in the picture, we are in the car heading to the grocery store right into the eye of the storm cause, boy-howdy, we can't be out of white powdered donuts and chocolate milk........tornado or no tornado!!  .

DONETTES

+

CHOCOLATE MILK

=

When Chuck and I first started dating 15 years ago, I only remember one piece of advice that his buddies gave me......."No matter how much he insists; and no matter how much he begs, DO NOT let him eat white powdered donuts and drink chocolate milk together."  At that point, they would look at each other, shake their heads and one could see on their faces that this was life altering.  I didn't quite understand "why" at the time, but it didn't take long before I caught him eating this lethal combination.......alone, in private, with a very guilty white powdered mustache-face when caught.  And then it happened..........I won't go into detail, but trust me; there was an "explosion".

I then knew exactly what his buddies Wayne, Eddie, Doug and Robert were talking about.  This WAS life altering

Over time, the explosions have become less as his body has become immune to the effects of white powdered donuts and chocolate milk.......and his hunger and thirst for this lethal combination has never waned.   But just as he insists his first marriage ended because she canceled the TV cable, you won't find this chick taking away his white powdered donuts and chocolate milk.......no sir.....we will always have powdered donuts and chocolate milk in this house; no matter what!!


P.S.
Before the "Chuck Fan Club" sends me hate mail for this Blog,
it has been approved by the Man.

East Texas Styles.......Oh Ya, We're "Stylin' Out Here...."

Sunday, May 16, 2010


Just another weekend in East Texas.......

I know my girlfriends in Dallas are going to get a kick out of the new "style" that is taking East Texas by storm........It's called the "Ankle-Boot-In-Case-You-Step-On-A-Copperhead Capri" look and everyone is storming Wal-Mart to get this look!  Seriously, this look is so popular here that I feel sure it will make it to the "big city" in no time at all.  Neither of these set of legs belong to me, but rather to my girlfriends Darlene and Becky and, as you can see, Darlene hasn't been able to locate the "Ankle-Boot-In-Case-You-Step-On-A-Copperhead" boots just yet as Wal-Mart is currently sold out.....

AND for you guys, here's the latest fashion we're seeing making a statement in this fashion savvy area for you........Chuck happens to be modeling this one and, although he's not a bachelor and has NO desire to be one (RIGHT Chuck???!!), we felt he needed to keep current with his fashion statement and picked this up for a mere fifty cents at Goodwill.......Of ya, you heard me right!  FIFTY CENTS!  I could sell this right now, TODAY for $1.00 and double my money!

Now the next item making a statement here in East Texas are some wood printer letter blocks that I'm super proud of......Yes, I'm aware that some of the letters are backwards.....I think that just adds a little charm to this decorating technique........But I picked these up at a cute little antique/consignment store here in town for $1.00 each.  What a DEAL!  I only had to look through 459 blocks to find the letters I needed to spell out "Chuck & Liz".....

And last but definitely not least, there is a Cross that has been erected on the road to our house......no one seems to know where it came from or if anything is planned to be built around it.....even people with clout around here have no idea who put it there or who owns the property.  But I have a theory:  Since we've lived here in East Texas, it is not at all uncommon to be driving down a two lane road and see a dead bird, dead coyote, dead deer, etc. laying on the side of the road; sometimes for a VERY LONG time.  It always breaks my heart to see where an animal has bit the dust and had no proper buriel, so a few years ago, there was this HUGE hawk that had been hit and laying on the side of the road for a month with one wing in the "up" position and it was making me crazy.  "Where is the deceased-animal-beside-the-road" crew anyway??"  So, one day I went home, had Chuck make me a cross with two extra pieces of wood and I painted the words "RIP BIRD" on the cross, grabbed my friend and neighbor Becky, then drove back to where the bird was and hammered the cross into the ground.  It stayed there for a few days and then one day, I noticed someone stole my cross; left the dead bird; but took my cross.  Who does that?????  Anyway, since then, Chuck has made many crosses for me; some for raccoons, some for skunks......well, you get the point.  So, maybe; just maybe, someone was honoring something like that and had more wood than we did.........it's just a thought.

Hummmmm......Check Out This Picture

May 14, 2010

What does this look like to you??

Here's the story; I was heading to my Ladies Bible Study in Winnsboro the other evening (which, by the way, we are studying Revelation.....hummmmm)  when suddenly I noticed the clouds taking on an odd color and shape......I stopped the car in the middle of the road (you can do that in the country.....) and snapped a couple pictures with my cell phone.

Kinda makes you think a little, huh??

My Mom.........BITTERSWEET

May 9, 2010

Happy Mothers Day!

Mother's Day is so bittersweet to me........SWEET cause I was blessed with the sweetest Mom of them all.....BITTER cause I know I won't have her with me "forever".....As the years go by faster and faster, I see my  time with her getting shorter and shorter and it simply breaks my heart.   

For those of you whose time has already ended with your Mom, my heart aches for you right now and these tears that I'm crying as I type this right now are for you.  And for those of you who maybe don't understand your Mom; maybe are angry with her; maybe feel she wasn't the mom you "deserved"........please remember she was the Mom that God gave you and He gave her to YOU for a reason.  I'm sure there were many moments my Mom felt she didn't get the daughter she deserved when she was having to chase me around the bed to spank me or the millions of other things I did to disappoint her.

But today, I want to thank my beautiful Mom for a few things that time can never take away....

* For all the yearly Mother-Daughter Trip memories we made together.  From Hawaii to the Bahamas; from Asheville, NC to San Antonio; from Oklahoma City to Hot Springs, AR; not to mention Branson, MO to Florida......we have seen and experienced so much together.  We have learned your stomach shouldn't ever take a cruise again; and we have learned what our maximum amount of time together should be.  These trips will be forever etched in my memory, even when I'm old and can't remember who I am.....

* For working at that hot Sears warehouse during our school age years so we could attend church school.......even though I only excelled in "talking, goofing off and laughing"......this was NOT your fault!

*  For driving us to school in downtown Dallas on Central Expressway and never "pulling the car over RIGHT NOW" as you often threatened......

* For forgetting to tell Dad when he got home as you promised to do when we were extra bad.......

* For the love of bowling.....I never was able to beat you at bowling....DOGGONIT!

* For being the "Monster" at Chuck's and my house at Halloween  in Dallas and scaring all the little kids....You were AWESOME!

Thanks Mom, for being YOU!!  Please never stop.........

I Am So Annoyed With Julia Childs.....God Rest Her Soul...

May 8, 2010



A few months ago, a reader of my Blog suggested I rent the movie, Julie & Julia; a true story about a girl who found "herself" after a year of blogging and cooking her way through the Julia Childs Cookbook.  I know to many of you this would sound MORE than boring, and I have to admit, the only part that caught my attention was the "blogging" part......cause as many of my friends can and will tell you, cooking is just not my thing.  And to prove this fact, here's just a short list of things I'd rather do than cook:

1)  Have a root canal
2)  Be forced to eat vegetables
3)  Have a colonoscopy
4)  Watch Chuck's DVR'd Sci-Fi Movies
5)  Get a public relations job at the White House where my sole responsibility is to show the brain-dead public servants how to sneeze into their own shirts

And that's just the short list....but you get my point.  So I've been curious about this little movie and thought tonight was a good time to rent it (only after watching The Wizard of Oz, of course!)......

So I watched it.  I say "I" cause I lost Chuck halfway through it.......but it was a good movie.  And then again, it was a bad movie.  I am SO annoyed with deceased Julia Childs right now that I could just spit, but I won't cause I'd just have to clean it up.  But it did get me to thinking........thinking about "why" I have enjoyed Blogging with you and, in some cases, ABOUT you.......and how cool it is to have someone tell me how much they enjoyed going on vacation with us through the Blog; and how much it means to have someone tell me they passed the Blog on to their sister or friend in another state.......and how much I have enjoyed sharing my crazy, mixed-up life with you.

So, instead of being mad at Julia Childs, I will instead thank YOU for allowing me to be a part of your day........

Lucinda & The Piece of Crap Boat

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Last week, I was helping a friend, who I'm going to call Lucinda Yawatta to protect her identity, to check out a used boat on Lake Fork.  Now Lucinda and I had agreed to meet around 12:45 at the Winnsboro Dairy Queen, directly after I finished delivering my Meals on Wheels.  Have you noticed that in East Texas everything evolves around Dairy Queen??  But I digress.......about 12:30, I realize that I still have 4 meals to deliver and time's-a-runnin' out....so, I tossed the last four meals to the Meals on Wheels folk and headed on down  to Dairy Queen.

After jumping in her vehicle and getting about 15 miles down the road, we both hear a loud buzzer going off.  I looked at her, she looked at me and we then determined it was the gas gauge buzzing at us.  She seemed REAL nervous about that (things like that happen to me ALL the time, so I don't usually sweat it out until the car quits...) and I could see beads of sweat forming on her forehead.  She then told me she thought we had another 20 miles before running out of gas.  I think it was about this time we saw the sign that said 15 miles to Winnsboro and 15 miles to Emory...dang....we were right smack in between and seriously in the middle of nowhereland without a gas station in site.

We were scheduled to meet a friend of hers, who we were going to follow to the used boat, at an intersection at Lake Fork, which I need to tell ya, we had no idea how to get to.   Lucinda is now starting to PANIC ......she is really sweating now and talking very fast........and decides she needs to call her friend at the intersection to let her know we were running late.  She grabs her phone, dials the number.......it was about this same time, my phone rings......I answer it and hear Lucinda talking 100 mph IN MY PHONE. I look over at her and she's totally oblivious that she just called ME..... I let her finish explaining our predicament before poking her arm and saying, "Hey, I know!"   I would give my eye-tooth to have a picture of her face when she realized she called the wrong number....

It wasn't long before we stumbled upon the "Lucky Charms" of gas stations........a Shamrock Station and she could breathe easy again.   She wiped the sweat off her brow, slowed her speech down and experienced happiness once more.  Well, that is until we saw the "prestine" used boat.  Uhhh.........I don't think "prestine" would have been the word I used........more like "Piece of Crap".......  And the nice lady trying to sell this "Prestine Piece of Crap".....welllllll..........she needs to attend "Bad Boaters Driving School" cause I think we hit every stump in Lake Fork!  I found it ironic that she kept pointing out the stumps on the fish finder yet we kept hitting every one of them.  And just when we thought it couldn't get worse......... it started raining.......

Needless to say; Lucinda didn't buy the boat.