January 9, 2016
I've been waking up early most every day this week.....very early.
2:00 am......4:00 am....4:30 am......thoughts swirling like a massive blizzard through my mind....
"What if's...." invading my every thought. "What if..." it floods again? "What if....it takes longer to repair the house than we have a place to live?" "What if...." "What if...." "What if....".
I hate the darkest part of night.....
My prayer this morning was longer than normal:
"Father, thank You for meeting me here this very early....dark outside...dark inside...rainy morning. It's just Kruger the 1-claw cat and I awake right now....and the darkness is trying to invade my armor yet again. It's in the dark...the night...that the enemy attacks me the hardest. It's the time when he penetrates my thoughts and my sleep, and worry starts creeping in slowly like the flood waters under the doors, the walls, the floor.....my eyes."
I'm a recovering habitual worrier. I've been a worrier for as long as I can remember.....finding everything and nothing to worry about. But over the past 5-7 years, worry has taken a back seat to peace. People who knew me well before....they say they see the change.
So I feel as though I'm relapsing when I feel the pressure of worry invading my thoughts once again. And when I'm standing in the middle of the Barbie aisle at Walmart and can't stop crying for no good reason, I know my armor has been compromised.
The strongest woman I know painted this Christmas tree this year at a painting party. She hated it....I loved it....so as she went to throw it out, I grabbed it and lugged it home and placed it next to the Christmas tree during the holidays. It was untouched in the flood. She has battled the storm of cancer for longer than I've known her.....over and over and over again. And yet, I never see her without a smile......a peace covers her like a warm blanket in winter. It's my prayer to have this strength and courage in the dead of night.....
And this Christmas tree painting.....well, it's a constant reminder to not get so caught up with my earthly home that I lose sight of my actual home waiting for me in heaven.
I've been waking up early most every day this week.....very early.
2:00 am......4:00 am....4:30 am......thoughts swirling like a massive blizzard through my mind....
"What if's...." invading my every thought. "What if..." it floods again? "What if....it takes longer to repair the house than we have a place to live?" "What if...." "What if...." "What if....".
I hate the darkest part of night.....
"Father, thank You for meeting me here this very early....dark outside...dark inside...rainy morning. It's just Kruger the 1-claw cat and I awake right now....and the darkness is trying to invade my armor yet again. It's in the dark...the night...that the enemy attacks me the hardest. It's the time when he penetrates my thoughts and my sleep, and worry starts creeping in slowly like the flood waters under the doors, the walls, the floor.....my eyes."
I'm a recovering habitual worrier. I've been a worrier for as long as I can remember.....finding everything and nothing to worry about. But over the past 5-7 years, worry has taken a back seat to peace. People who knew me well before....they say they see the change.
So I feel as though I'm relapsing when I feel the pressure of worry invading my thoughts once again. And when I'm standing in the middle of the Barbie aisle at Walmart and can't stop crying for no good reason, I know my armor has been compromised.
The strongest woman I know painted this Christmas tree this year at a painting party. She hated it....I loved it....so as she went to throw it out, I grabbed it and lugged it home and placed it next to the Christmas tree during the holidays. It was untouched in the flood. She has battled the storm of cancer for longer than I've known her.....over and over and over again. And yet, I never see her without a smile......a peace covers her like a warm blanket in winter. It's my prayer to have this strength and courage in the dead of night.....
And this Christmas tree painting.....well, it's a constant reminder to not get so caught up with my earthly home that I lose sight of my actual home waiting for me in heaven.
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7 comments:
Liz you are such an inspiration to so many. Especially me. I pray for His Peace in yours and Chucks lives. You are being prayed for daily. God's Blessings will come. Xo
Hi, Friend! I know a Oceans is your theme song right now 😊, but take the time to listen to Cornerstone by Hillsong United. I've heard it and sung it, but the other day it was like I heard it again for the first time..."When darkness seems to hide His face I rest in His in changing grace." Hope blesses you as much as it did me.
Sweet friend....those hours in the early mornings can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Lets make a choice to have it be your best friend....Just you and HIM getting this all put back together HIS way!
Liz,I can really relate to todays blog . I would encourage you to "don't doubt in the dark what you learned in the light". There's nothing like the late night torments to make you doubt what you believe. Be strong and FIGHT !!! Love you .
We are never alone, keep your chin up, Liz
Hi Liz, often times I feel guilty when I send words of encouragement to you or someone who needs it in desperate circumstances, It is easy to
send them, I have no idea what you are going through and all I can do is pray for you and Chuck and hope that everything will turn OK....I
waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined unto me, and heard y cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay,
and set my foot upon a rock, and established my goings. Ps. 40:1,2
Israel
Dear Liz,
Our Guest House is open. One bedroom, king one queen fold out in living room, full kitchen, living room, big TV, DVD! It’s yours! For forever. Love, Sandee
Sandee Casey
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